The Antidote

Chapter 56 - Lady B and Me

29, January 2013

THE SON:

This last week has been incredible for me on a emotional level. Lately I have been feeling very low for various reasons. Mainly due to the fact that Hannah my Ex called me after reading this diary thoroughly from the beginning and told me that considering all the deceit and upset I had caused her during the 3 years we were together, she thought it best that we didn’t talk anymore.

It came as a massive shock to me because we had been talking regularly and getting on well so the sudden realisation that she was completely gone from my life hit me hard and put me in a hugely depressive state. It was exactly the time when I needed to be around friends for support and to distract me but because I live nowhere near any of them I didn’t even have that.

After about a week I now feel stronger and have accepted it, but still, Facebook is a cruel reminder of the past and also what I miss out on. However I know that I am where I need to be right now and my close friends are always on the other end of the phone.

Anyway last Wednesday my parents and I (and our dog!) went down to London and had a truly great evening. We met up with my good friend Charlotte and Simon her father as well as her boyfriend and went to the Groucho Club, a very nice private members club in Soho where Simon is a member. He very kindly took us all to dinner. Damn tasty. Just what I needed. To be amongst friends and have a taste of the good side of London rather than the seedy, drug-fuelled underbelly.

I had a great chat with Charlotte’s father over dinner and it felt so easy to talk to him as if I was talking to one of my close contemporaries, which has not really been the case for me when talking to other grown-ups who know about my addiction, as normally I feel a sense of embarrassment so I’m never really relaxed but with him it’s not the case. Anyway after dinner we went down the road to go see dad’s show in the West End which was incredible yet again and it had gotten even better since I last saw it in December. Everyone enjoyed it and I felt incredibly proud that I am the son of the composer. Dad didn’t stay to see it as he had to go back to where we were staying in North London to look after the dog so mum and I got the tube back later. I was in such a good mood.

The next day I met up with my best mate Arch, the one who sent me that message with the dodgy spelling [see very first entry, “THE PLEDGE”] and had some lunch in Chancery Lane. We just laughed for the whole hour and caught up and reminisced about days gone by. It’s funny to see him looking so sharp in such crispy attire and with a short new haircut. So business-like. What’s great is that although he’s progressed and got himself seriously sorted out with a real job (before most of our group of friends has), he’s still the same boy and we still connect instantly even when we haven’t seen each other for awhile. I’m proud of him. So this London trip was the perfect cure for the blues and reminded me of the real friends in my life.

On another note, yesterday I went up to CRI in Lowestoft to have a drugs test and it was clean from MOP (Morphine/Opiates), which shows that finally all those Morphine Sulphate Continuous pills that I munched at the end of September finally got out of my system! The bonus being that now I have another new Subutex prescription whereby I only need to go and collect my pills 3 times a week rather than everyday, so that made me very chuffed indeed.

However, nothing ever seems to be all good does it, and last night my eye started itching and it has now swelled up with fluid from some allergy or infection so I’m not in the best of moods. There’s always something, isn’t there.